HML, Volume I Issue IV

I'm the type of person who, upon the sight of a Mariachi band entering my subway car, will stand up defiantly, mumble aloud, "You gotta be fucking kidding me," and will walk to the next subway car while the train is moving. I know, Billy Badass over here WALKS THROUGH CARS WHILE THE TRAIN IS MOVING! But I'd rather risk death than have to hear the music of what I imagine the intercom plays in the supermarket of Hell. So as I lie awake in my bed in the early morning hours of Monday, October 12th, I am greeted by Bushwick's answer to the early morning bugle of a new day at sleep-away camp: Mariachi music. Fuck you, Bushwick and your ironic sense of humor.

I have a new friend. He's really loud, he's fat, he'll only ride on a bus because he's afraid of flying, he constantly pats himself on the back, and I'm prrrreeeetttty sure he has a touch of autism. No, it's not my neighbor...it's John Madden! Yep, I have this thing that I do where when I can't sleep, I go into the living room and play my roommate's Madden 2010 for Wii...alone...in the dark...without my shirt on. The good thing about it is that I totally know every lyric to Slipknot's hit "Duality" since it's pretty much the only song that Madden 2010 features.

When money is a constant concern, you often start to think of ways to get it as quickly as possible. Since selling drugs is out of the question, I've decided to try a different form of whoring myself out. It's called auditioning for game shows. This past week, I did this thing for Fuse and got paid $75 to answer a few questions about music. The shoot was at Buffalo Wild Wings on Flatbush Avenue and boy was it fulfilling! While I sat at the bar with my back turned to the camera, waiting for my turn to be quizzed, the bartender made this remark:

Bartender Who Looks Like He Should Work At Chotchkies: So...you guys extras?

Me: No, we're just "Customers" who "Unknowingly" will be a part of an impromptu game show

BWLLHSWAC: (With a smirk on his face) So, did you have to hand in a "back-of-your-headshot?" Heh Heh.

He walked away before I could tell him that now that he works at Buffalo Wild Wings, he doesn't have to act like Chach-bag who worked at Chotchkies. Anyway, I won and got the following gifts: a Fuse backpack, a Fuse water bottle, a Buffalo Wild Wings t-shirt and a $25 Buffalo Wild Wings gift certificate. Too bad I'm a pescetarian.

I also signed up for Wheel of Fortune and I actually have a 1st Round audition for Who Wants To Be A Millionaire on Tuesday. I'll let you know when I lose.